Mastering Persuasion And Getting What You Want

In the new book, The Upper Hand, human behavioral scientist Dr. Abbie Maroño shows you how to influence people and situations in your favor with skill and integrity—and without the need for leverage or coercion. 

“You will learn how to get what you want from others and build stronger relationships by replacing coercive tactics with a social science-backed playbook for winning trust,” says Maroño. 

She explains that “The Upper Hand” is a framework for using influence through ethical, mutually beneficial means. And more specifically, she shows you how to build and maintain trust by gaining an understanding of the psychological mechanisms underpinning human decision making. 

The book presents five key truths about the complexity of human behavior that you can count on one hand to give you the upper hand:

1. We are our brains.
2. We are driven to survive (by any means necessary).
3. We want to connect and cooperate.
4. We have a mind-body feedback loop.
5. We want to protect our self-identity. 

“By grasping how these truths are at play—and learning to see how they show up differently based on cultural contexts, individual differences, and situational dynamics—you’ll be primed to tailor an informed approach to influencing outcomes when it matters most,” says Maroño. 

Some of my favorite takeaways from the book in the words of Maroño include: 

Cooperation: Influence is the process of affecting others’ behaviors, thoughts, or decisions. Most people immediately think of influence as manipulation. But the most effective influence strategies in today’s connected world actually avoid manipulation, coercion, or high-pressure tactics. Instead, they rely on building trust and a desire to cooperate—innate human drives we’ve shared as a species for millennia. 

Collaboration: “The Upper Hand” is about becoming such a positive influence on people that they’ll want to collaborate with you however they can, because being a part of something with you is more meaningful than going it alone. 

Enduring Interactions: “The Upper Hand” approaches interactions from the perspectives of everyone involved. This strategy for influencing others examines the long-term effects on relationships, ensuring continuous, genuine, and mutually beneficial collaboration. These techniques focus on enduring fulfillment, rather than small, fleeting victories secured through unsavory methods. 

Trust: In the business world, maintaining a trustworthy and ethical reputation is crucial for long-term success. People who prioritize mutual consent, authenticity, and transparency in their dealings tend to build lasting relationships based on mutual respect and shared goals. 

Ethics: By consistently demonstrating ethical behavior, you can distinguish yourself from others in your industry and earn the respect of your peers, colleagues, and clients alike. Creating, sharing, and engaging in authentic interactions with others is the best way to secure “The Upper Hand.” 

Three C's: When it comes to influence, it’s good to keep in mind the three C’s: comfort, confidence, and competence. When meeting someone new, you’ll want them to feel comfortable speaking with you, confident in their role in the conversation, and competent enough to fulfill their role in a collaboration. Maintaining a safe environment is a precursor to comfort, just as comfort is a precursor to confidence and competence. 

Vulnerability: When we show vulnerability to others, we demonstrate honesty, transparency, and, most important for our purposes, trustworthiness. We make room for collaboration by clearing out any expectations of perfection or inauthenticity. We let other people know that though we’re dressed up, spotlit, or leading the conversation, we’re human beings first, and human beings don’t always operate at full capacity. It takes courage to admit our imperfections, and it can be a relief when someone else does the same. 

The power of vulnerability lies in trust. 

Legacy: The legacy of a person’s impact rests not on fleeting transactions, but on the lasting impressions they create through consistent, positive, connection-rich interactions. When you choose to use your knowledge of influence to help people make better decisions, you create positive change. You instill value and meaning into your relationships. You make people’s lives easier, more successful, and better for having met you. 

Personal connections are key to getting what we want, whether moving up in our careers, attracting customers, or maintaining romantic partnerships. The Upper Hand is your indispensable guide to building trust and cooperation on your way to getting what you want, whatever it may be. 

___

Dr. Abbie Maroño

Dr. Abbie Maroño is both a scientist and a practitioner in the field of human behavior, recognized by the US department of state as a top 1% behavior analysis expert. Having completed her PhD in Psychology, Maroño became a Professor of Psychology by the age of 23 and is an active member of several internationally recognized research groups. 

Thank you to the book’s publisher for sending me an advance copy of the book.