How To Predict And Prevent Conflict At Work And At Home

The book, How To Get Along With Anyone, by John Eliot and Jim Guinn, is the playbook for predicting and preventing conflict at work and at home.

As you read the book, you will discover how to defuse any heated conflict by learning which of the five conflict styles you are and how to resolve even the most sensitive dispute with this must-read guide.

Through decades of building and facilitating team chemistry for Fortune 500 companies, professional sports franchises, schools and government agencies, nonprofit organizations, and families, Eliot and Guinn have discovered people respond to conflict in one of these five ways:

Avoider: Uninterested in minor details; excels in solitary work with a knack for concentration.
Competitor: Always pushing the envelope; never rests on laurel and takes risks for achievement.
Analyzer: Evidence-based and methodical; patiently gathers information before acting.
Collaborator: A deeply caring individual, relying on exceptional relationship skills.
Accommodator: Prioritizes achievements and well-being of those they care about over their own.

“We offer you a pragmatic, hands-on guide to help you determine your own conflict style and identify your coworkers’ and loved ones’ styles. Using this information helps you to foster better communication and more effective collaboration,” the authors add.

“If you can predict how someone will behave, you can formulate a winning game plan.”

Why is this so important? Because the average American worker spends 156 hours a year engaged in the kind of moderate to intense workplace conflict that adversely impacts both performance and health.

And managers spend 26% of their time addressing and resolving conflicts on their team—the equivalent of chewing up one full workday each week.

"If conflict is left unresolved, workplace conflict leads to shifts in employee attitudes, behaviors, and interactions that spawn ripple effects to the culture and decreased motivation. Productivity declines and so does job satisfaction. Commitment wanes and morale suffers. Absenteeism increases, eventually leading to higher turnover," share the authors.

One of my favorite parts of the book is the section on active listening. The authors remind us that communication exchanges are comprised of three elements, distributed as follows:

7% - Verbal – What is said, the words themselves.
38% - Vocal – How something is said, a speaker’s projection, resonance, and tone.
55% - Visual – The way it’s said, a speaker’s facial expression and body language.

You can become a better active listener when you do the following according to the authors:

Be present; Be Centered. When you want to hear someone, full-and want them to know they are being heard—you need to be all in. Temporarily suspend any other concern you have beyond the goal of simply listening.

Make Eye Contact. When the other person is talking, look them in the eyes. That is the surefire way to establish that you are attending to them.

Stay Off The Stage. Spend the time entirely centered on what (and how) the other person is sharing. Fight the urge to weave in your opinion, view and so on.

Be Patient. Wait For It. Remind yourself that there will be ebb and flow; there will be natural pauses. Don’t fill those pauses. Wait. Invite the other person to continue. Employ encouraging body language. Nod, Smile.

Use Volley Phrases. When waiting for someone to continue doesn’t work, exercise volley phrases, such as, “Tell me more,” “Tell me more about,” “Run that by me again,” Please, go on.”

Use Reflexive Questioning. This is when you feed someone’s words—and often, more importantly, feelings—back to them, in the form of a question, regarding topics on which you want to move past positions and interests. Make sure to ask these types of questions in a respectful tone, authentically showing that you care.

Use Open-Ended Questions. And use open-ended probing by using cues that necessitate elaboration.

Empathize. Put yourself in their footwear. With positive regard. Unconditionally. Use your active listening to decipher where a person is coming from and why. Be accepting.

Filled with fun, engaging examples and actionable techniques, How to Get Along With Anyone teaches you how to predict and prevent escalated conflict, arming you with practical tools for flipping the script on sticking points to nurture stronger and more meaningful relationships.

___

John Eliot, PhD, mentors executives and advises professional sports teams, coaches and athletes on how to apply individual and organizational psychology principles for enhancing health, performance, and workplace culture.

Jim Guinn, EdD, is an assistant professor at Texas A&M University, and director of the Global Youth Sport For Development Initiative, and the Center For Sports Management Research and Education.

Thank you to the book’s publisher for sending me an advance copy of the book.

Comments

Seven Ways To Be A Collaborative Leader

Edward M. Marshall 's book, Transforming The Way We Work -- The Power Of The Collaborative Workplace , remains relevant today, more than a decade after Marshall wrote it. Particularly useful is the book's section that teaches readers how to be a collaborative leader. Marshall says that there are seven different, important roles and responsibilities of collaborative leaders when leading teams , and those leaders should select the appropriate style to meet the team's needs. The seven roles are : The leader as sponsor -- You provide strategic direction, boundaries and coaching for the team. You also monitor progress and ensure integrity in the team's operating processes. The leader as facilitator -- You ensure that meetings, team dynamics, and interpersonal relationships function effectively. You also ensure internal coordination of activities among team members. The leader as coach -- You provide support and guidance and you serve as a sounding board. The lea...

Six-pillar Roadmap For How To Move From Merely Surviving To Truly Mattering

In the new book, The Mattering Effect: Creating A Life Of Meaning And Worth , podcaster and author John R. Miles reframes today’s most common struggles and empowers individuals and institutions alike to break bad habits and reclaim a sense of worth and belonging. “Organizations have spent the last decade chasing 'engagement' and 'psychological safety,' yet global productivity is stalling and 60% of employees report they do not feel valued in the places where they spend their days,” shares Miles. He calls this “The Great Erasure”—a condition where high-achievers become highly visible to the organization while becoming invisible to themselves. In addition, Miles argues that many of today’s most common struggles—burnout, anxiety, loneliness, and disengagement—are not personal failures or mindset problems. They are the result of unmattering: the gradual erosion of felt significance within modern systems that reward performance while overlooking presence. Fortu...

More Leadership Quotes From John C. Maxwell

The real gems in John C. Maxwell's book, Everyone Communicates Few Connect , book are the abundant leadership and communication quotes, such as these: To add value to others, one must first value others. People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude. All good communicators get to the point before their listeners start asking, "What's the point?" The first time you say something, it's heard. The second time, it's recognized, and the third time it's learned. In the end, people are persuaded not by what we say, but by what they understand. People pay attention when something that is said connects with something they greatly desire. Maxwell also says that: Management is about persuading people to do things they do not want to do, while leadership is about inspiring people to do things they never thought they could . The book covers five principles and five practices to help readers so they can connect one-on-one, in a group, or...

Questions You'll Likely Be Asked At Your Next Job Interview

Many Human Resource (HR) managers have moved away from questions like "What's your weakness?" and prefer behavior-based questions , which ask you to: describe how you handled specific situations at your former jobs If you are about to interview for your next leadership position, be prepared for questions like these (from an article in Reader's Digest ): Tell me about a time when your integrity was challenged . What was the situation, and what did you do? Tell me about a time you had to work with someone you did not personally like . If you could come to work with only three tools to get your job done, what would they be ? What personal and professional development have you been engaged in outside the workplace over the past year? Describe your Outlook calendar on a typical day

Decide

Many years ago, I worked with a person who could not make decisions. Neither big nor small decisions. That indecisiveness paralyzed our business in many ways. Unfortunately, the book, Decide: Work Smarter, Reduce Your Stress, and Lead by Example , had not been published. Had it, I would have shared it with my co-worker. Decide , published this past February, teaches readers how to make better decisions based on the real results they want to experience. The author, Steve McClatchy, explains how to use the two forms of human motivation -- Gain, or Prevent Pain , to make more effective decisions. For example, he demonstrates how inserting a Gain task in the middle of a Prevent Pain day can give you the energy you need to move forward and make the Prevent Pain tasks take less time through motivation. Deeper into the book, you'll be reminded about not only the problems with procrastination, but also about the benefits of procrastination, and, if you are ...

High-Performing Teams Are Made Of This

According to Ron Ricci and Carl Wiese, authors of the book, The Collaboration Imperative , high-performing teams have the following characteristics: People have solid and deep trust in each other and in the team's purpose--they feel free to express feelings and ideas. Everybody is working toward the same goals. Team members are clear on how to work together and how to accomplish tasks. Everyone understands both team and individual performance goals and knows what is expected. Team members actively diffuse tension and friction in a relaxed and informal atmosphere. The team engages in extensive discussion, and everyone gets a chance to contribute--even the introverts. Disagreement is viewed as a good thing and conflicts are managed. Criticism is constructive and is oriented toward problem solving and removing obstacles. The team makes decisions when there is natural agreement--in the cases where agreement is elusive, a decision is made by the team lead or executiv...

5 Compelling Benefits Of Having An Ethical Culture

In Andrew Leigh's book, Ethical Leadership , he provides these compelling and important benefits of having an ethical culture in your business/organization: Customers prefer dealing with companies who put ethics at the center of their culture. Most employees would prefer to earn less working for an ethical company than being paid more and working for an unethical company. More than one in three people at work say they've left a job because they've disagreed with the company's ethical standards ( Trevino, L and Nelson, K - 2011 ) If you adopt an early warning system against misconduct it reduces the risk of you facing expensive litigation. An ethical culture helps you make your company a strong affirming place to work in. "The foundations of an ethical culture include values, attitudes, meaning, behaviors, purpose, and management practices," explains Leigh.

Make It Easy For Your Employees To Volunteer

Start planning now for this year's National Volunteer Week, April 15-21 . That's the week when nonprofit organizations throughout the U.S. will celebrate and honor their volunteers. If you are not already volunteering, what a great time to start. Make a commitment to yourself to start volunteering before that week starts! And, if you are a workplace leader who supports a volunteer program at your business, you already know that by encouraging employees to give back to your community you are: building teamwork motivating employees attracting new hires In fact, job seekers much prefer companies that have a strong volunteer program. And, a growing number of businesses are rewarding employees who volunteer by giving them extra vacation time and other incentives. Fortunately, throughout the U.S. there are hundreds of volunteer opportunities where employees can contribute individually, or where leaders can organize teams of employees to volunteer together on a routin...

Good Coach Versus Bad Coach

Former Verizon Wireless CEO, Denny F. Strigl offers these tips for how to be a good coach to an employee. He explains that good coaches help performers by : Keeping them focused. Giving them objective, helpful feedback. Acting as a sounding board for new approaches. Identifying blind spots that may be holding the performer back. Reinforcing key values, principles, and behaviors that improve performance. Recognizing positive behavior and performance. Providing encouragement after setbacks and failures Setting "stretch" goals. Acting as an accountability partner. Strigl believes that some managers fail in their coaching roles because they : View coaching as babysitting. See coaching as only correcting performance. Don't spend enough time with their employees. Are reluctant to criticize. Have social relationships with their employees. Have a "sink-or-swim" philosophy. Believe coaching is not helpful or meaningful. "Coaching may...

How Will The Value Of Your Days Be Measured?

I recommend that all leaders every so often read the What Will Matter poem by Michael Josephson . It serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of unselfishly serving and leading with character. I've highlighted in bold and in color my favorite parts of the poem: Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brillian...

Eric Jacobson On Management And Leadership

Search This Blog