How To Achieve Real Optimism Even When Life Is Hard

 

“Optimism is not about believing that everything will turn out the way you want it; that everything will go according to plan, or that positive thinking about the future can stave off disaster. It’s about accepting that life is hard—sometimes really hard—but it always has something to teach us,” explains Dr. Deepika Chopra, author of the new book, The Power Of Real Optimism: A Practical, Science Based Guide To Staying Resilient, Curious, And Open Even When Lie Is Hard. She adds, “If we can stay open to those lessons, we will survive.” 

Why should we strive to become more optimistic? “Because, simply put, optimism improves our mental and physical health and makes us more able to face whatever life has in store while staying committed to our goals and values,” shares Dr. Chopra. 

In this fresh, science-backed debut, professional psychologist and media expert Dr. Chopra shows us how to build the kind of optimism that can actually withstand real life.

The book offers readers a radically different definition of optimism: optimism as a science, a skill, and a psychological muscle we can strengthen. 

She dives into the neuroscience of what optimism really is—debunking all the myths we’ve been told. She dismantles the cult of toxic positivity and shows how to build the life you want using science, not wishful thinking. Instead of chasing a life scrubbed of worry, guilt, or doubt, she offers practical strategies that transform those very emotions into tools for growth, including: 

1. Scheduling intentional “worry time,” because bottling it up backfires.
2. Crafting unique, believable affirmations that sound like you, not someone else’s
3. Turning your “to do” list into a “ta da” list to celebrate real progress.
4. Finding awe in the ordinary to short-circuit anxiety.
5. Building rituals that are realistic enough to actually stick. 

Here are some quick facts Dr. Chopra cites from the book:

1. Optimists live up to 15% longer. Science shows an optimistic mindset is as protective as quitting smoking or exercising regularly.
2. You can literally rewire your brain for optimism. Through repetition and micro-moments of joy, you teach your brain to favor hope over fear.
3. Tiny joys change brain chemistry. Smelling citrus, listening to music, or savoring beauty for seconds a day builds measurable resilience over time. 

Some of my favorite quotes from the book include:

1. “We can’t manifest our way out of uncertainty. We can only stay curious enough to move through it.”
2. “Being realistic and being optimistic are not opposites. They’re partners.”
3. “Uncertainty is not the enemy; it’s the space where transformation begins.”
4. “Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything’s good; it’s about noticing that something still is.” 

Some of my favorite takeaways from the book are where Dr. Chopra writes: 

“Optimism is a way of thinking that assumes that on the whole, future events will be positive rather than negative; good outcomes will outnumber bad ones, and even the bad ones are temporary. Optimism invites you—in fact, I would argue it requires you—to experience the full range of human emotion, because only by doing so can you process the reality of your circumstances and make informed authentic decisions about how to move forward.” 

“Optimism on its own can’t influence the future. The reason it’s so beneficial is because it promotes behaviors that help us create the futures we want. Or at least the ones we expect. When you believe that the future holds promise, your goals are achievable, and setbacks are temporary and surmountable, you are more likely to approach your life proactively and productively.”

 

Dr. Deepika Chopra 

Dr. Chopra shares with us these additional insights particularly for business leaders: 

Question: How do you define optimism? 

Dr. Chopra: I define optimism not as blind positivity or wishful thinking, but as the capacity to clearly acknowledge what is difficult or uncertain while maintaining trust in your ability to respond effectively. 

Leaders often face ambiguity, setbacks, and conflicting priorities; optimism in this sense means being acutely aware of the challenges without collapsing into cynicism or avoidance. It is rooted in resiliency, the sense that difficulties are temporary and specific rather than permanent and personal, and in curiosity about how things could be different. 

True optimism is not about feeling good all the time. It is about staying fully engaged with reality while retaining the flexibility and motivation to solve problems and adapt when needed. This is the framework I explore in the book, which focuses on how this capacity can be intentionally built rather than simply hoped for. 

Question: What are the 3 Ps of optimism? 

Dr. Chopra: The three Ps of optimism are a way of understanding how people explain setbacks and challenges, and they matter deeply to leadership effectiveness.  

The first P is pervasiveness, whether a leader interprets a setback as something that affects everything or just a specific situation. 

The second P is permanence, whether the challenge is seen as lasting forever or likely to change over time. 

The third P is personalization, whether someone attributes setbacks to a flaw in themselves or to contextual factors that can be addressed. 

When leaders frame difficulties as specific, temporary, and not a verdict on their identity or overall capability, they recover faster, maintain team confidence, and are better at navigating complex situations. This is a core mechanism behind why optimism supports resilience and performance. 

Question: How can we shift our language to boost optimism? 

Dr. Chopra: Language has a powerful effect on how teams and individuals interpret events. Pessimistic language, phrases like “this always happens” or “we never get this right,” narrows perspective and increases threat responses in the brain, which can create rigidity and defeatism. 

Optimistic language acknowledges reality while opening space for change. Instead of “We always fail at this,” a more constructive phrase is “This didn’t work this time, and we can learn from it and adjust.” Instead of “I shouldn’t be struggling with this,” leaders and teams can say “This is tough, and it makes sense it feels tough.” These shifts are not sugar-coating or placating. They are accurate and they keep people psychologically regulated, productive, and open to solutions. 

Question: What are we getting wrong about self-care? 

Dr. Chopra: Too often self-care is treated as a luxury or a set of rituals that we “do” after we are exhausted, a spa day, a day off, a long workout. But those things are experiences, not practices. 

Real self-care in a leadership context is about creating conditions that keep you cognitively, emotionally, and physically resourced so you can show up consistently for your team. It includes boundaries around time and attention, prioritizing sleep, saying no when necessary, asking for support, and building routines that regulate stress rather than amplify it. When self-care becomes another item on a performance checklist, it actually adds pressure instead of relieving it. Real self-care is strategic. It sustains your capacity to lead, not just your mood. 

Question: What is the one thing you’d recommend we all do today to begin to build our optimism muscle? 

Dr. Chopra: Start with a brief resilience audit at the end of your day. Take 60 seconds and write down three things you handled, moved forward, or completed, not just wins, but anything that showed effort or decision-making in the face of difficulty. The brain is far better at tracking unfinished tasks and threats than it is at noticing progress.

By creating intentional visibility on what you did manage, you train your nervous system to recognize evidence of capability rather than only evidence of shortfall. Over time, this builds self-efficacy, the belief that you can respond to challenges, which is one of the strongest predictors of resilience, adaptability, and sustainable performance. This is one of the simple practices I share in the book because it helps people build optimism through experience, not just intention.

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Dr. Deepika Chopra is a professional psychologist, visual imagery expert, and founder of Things Are Looking Up, a consultancy devoted to the intersection of science and soul. She specializes in what she has coined "evidence-based manifestation," which draws from behavioral science, emotional fitness, neuroscience, and ancient wisdom to build modern tools for resilience and joy. 

Dr. Chopra holds a doctorate in clinical health psychology and completed a double postdoctoral fellowship at both the University of California at Los Angeles and Cedars Sinai Medical Center. She is a recurring guest on the TODAY Show, and her work has also been featured in Forbes, Harper's Bazaar, VOGUE, GOOP, Variety, E!, and more. 

Thank you to the book’s publisher for sending me an advance copy of the book.