In her new book, Rising Together, Sally Helgesen draws on three decades of work with leaders and aspiring leaders around the world to offer practical ways to build more inclusive relationships, teams and workplaces.
The first part of the book identifies eight common triggers that undermine our ability to connect with people whole history and values may be different from our own. The second part of the book offers simple and very specific everyday practices that enable usāas individuals, in our organizations, on our teamsāto create cultures of belonging.
Helgesen defines a culture of belonging is one in which the largest possible percentage of people:
- Feel ownership in the organization, viewing it as āwe,ā and āthey.ā
- Believe they are valued for their potential as well as their contributions.
- Perceive that how they matter is not strictly tied to their positional power.
Rising Together is for readers at every stage and
level in their careers who recognize that building a broad range of
relationships is essential to their advancement, now and in the future.
Today, Helgesen shares these additional insights with us:
Question: You were the first person to write about inclusion in the context of the workplace, back in 1995. What has changed in the years since?
Helgesen: Back when I wrote, The Web of Inclusion, I was looking at how networked technologies were upending hierarchies in organizations by decentralizing decision-making and giving people access to unprecedented information. This made organizations more reliant on peopleās knowledge and talent, which meant that companies had to find ways to engage people instead of telling them what to doāāwhich meant managing by inclusion.
At the time, I saw no connection to diversity, which wasnāt so much of an issue then, but of course connecting the two makes absolute sense. Diversity describes the nature of the talent pool, while inclusion is the only effective way to lead and engage a diverse workforce, one in which people often perceive themselves as outsiders. For this reason, the two words have become yoked together in most organizations: we now speak of āD&I, or DEI.ā
Question:
In Rising Together, you
present a pretty extensive list of very specific inclusive behaviors. Can you
talk about one of them?
Helgesen: Sure. Listening is of course an inclusive behavior, and weāre constantly being urged these days to work on our listening skills. But we also need to demonstrate that we are listeningāafter all, it matters how people perceive us.
So, disciplining ourselves to avoid distraction and maintaining eye contact are important. So is thinking about what the other person is saying, because they can read that. But we donāt want to go overboard. Overdoing it confirming,āā constantly responding to other peoplesā comments with good point, I agree, yes!āā can feel empathetic, but doing it repeatedly interrupts the flow and tends to make the conversation all about us. Itās especially noticeable in virtual environments, where we may get spotlighted every time we affirm what someone else says.
I also learned a lot about listening by watching Peter Drucker, who I was privileged to spend time with in the years before he died. Peter had a rule for himself: in a meeting he always spoke last. This gave him a chance to really listen to others, which he did with great intensityā you really felt heard. It was also a highly inclusive behavior because he was usually the most senior person in the room and he knew that if he expressed a view, most people would fall into line and he wouldnāt get to hear what they thought.
Question: How about another example?
Helgesen: Hereās a simple one: remember peoplesā names and take responsibility for pronouncing them correctly. In a diverse environment, people often have names we may not be familiar with. This seems to confuse some peopleāā especially those in my own age group, the boomers.
When we donāt get names right, we misrepresent
ourselves. I recently watched a woman whom I knew to be a really good person
stumble over the names of three of her team members. After a few botched
attempts, she gave up. āIām sorry, but your names are too similar: Adil, Amin
and Amad.ā Would she have said the same thing about Mike, Mark and Max?
Question: What should people do when someone else
behaves in a very un-inclusive way? For example, by trying to take credit for
your or someone elseās work?
Helgesen: This happens all the time. Say we offer an idea in a meeting and no one respondsāā total silence. Then ten minutes later someone else volunteers the same idea, and gets affirmed. Our impulse is usually to think that person is trying to claim credit for our idea. And maybe he is. Or maybe heās just trying to reframe what we said. The point is, the other personās motivation doesnāt really matter. We need to know how to act. What doesnāt work is to grab a friend on the way out of the meeting and complain to her about what a showboat the other person is or how no one seems to hear anything you say. Nor is it effective to push back in the moment: āI believe I just said that!ā which creates a confrontation and makes everyone uncomfortable.
The most useful approach is to assume good intent on the part of the other person, and then respond in a way that demonstrates that, while also making clear that you voiced the same idea. For example, you might say, āNeil, Iām so glad you agree with what I said earlier! Maybe we can set a time to talk about next steps.ā If the opportunity presents itself, you can say this in the meeting. If not, you can reach out to Neil afterward. Ultimately, it doesnāt matter who had the idea first, or even if Neil was trying to poach it. What matters is that you get included in moving it forward. This is an effective behavior.
Sally Helgesen, cited in Forbes as the worldās premier expert on womenās leadership, is an internationally best-selling author, speaker and leadership coach, honored by the Thinkers 50 Hall of Fame. Her most recent book, How Women Rise, co-authored with Marshall Goldsmith, examines the behaviors most likely to get in the way of successful women. Rights have been sold in 22 languages.
Previous books include, The Female Advantage: Womenās Ways of Leadership, hailed as the classic in its field and continuously in print since 1990, and The Female Vision: Womenās Real Power at Work, which explores how womenās strategic insights can strengthen their careers. The Web of Inclusion: A New Architecture for Building Great Organizations, was cited in The Wall Street Journal as one of the best books on leadership of all time and is credited with bringing the language of inclusion into business.
Thank you to the book's publisher for sending me an advance copy of the book.
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