How To Coach With Compassion For Lifelong Learning

“Helping others is a good thing, but even the most well-intentioned attempts can be undermined by a simple truth: We almost always focus on “fixing” people – correcting problems or filling the gaps between where they are and where we think they should be. Unfortunately, this doesn’t inspire sustained learning or positive change. Even when people do respond, they often do so out of obligation rather than motivation,” explain the authors of the new book, Helping People Change: Coaching With Compassion For Lifelong Learning AndGrowth.

The authors, Richard Boyatzis, Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten, teach that the most effective way to help people learn and change is to connect to a positive vision of themselves, or to an inspiring dream they’ve long held.

Having a personal vision is one of the most powerful ways to engage neurologically and emotionally. Plus, great coaches know that people draw energy from their visions and dreams, and that same energy sustains their efforts to change, even through difficult times.

“A person’s vision is her image of a possible future. It is not a goal or a strategy. It consists of neither actions nor obligations. It is not a forecast of what is likely. It is a dream! Put simply, a person’s vision is an expression of an individual’s ideal self and ideal future. It encompasses dreams, values, passions, purpose, sense of calling, and core identity,” explain the authors.

The coaching with compassion method is based on five steps for intentional change, which the authors teach in the book using rich, inspiring and real-life stories and science-based, heavily researched exercises. And, this type of coaching is different from mentoring, which can sometimes last over decades. Whereas, coaching typically involves a shorter time period and a more specific focus.

Key to achieving transformational impact using a vision-based approach versus a problem-focused approach is the connection between the coach and the person being coached, and it needs to be positive and mutually shared. Both the coach and the person being helped must have positive mutual regard for each other, share a commitment to their relationship, and benefit equally from their engagement and interactions. Such relationships help foster openness to learning and change.

Finally, the authors explain that there are three basic approaches to offering coaching services in organizations:

Encourage and train staff to peer coach in pairs or teams.
Train managers and executives to provide coaching to their direct reports and maybe even peers.
Provide access to internal or external coaches (people professionally trained as coaches and typical certified by some professional group).

Add this book to your must-read list, particularly if you are trying to help someone and it just isn’t working.

And, thank you to the book's three authors!

Richard Boyatzis

Melvin Smith

Ellen Van Oosten

Thank you to the book's publisher for sending me an advance copy of the book.

Comments

Best New Leadership Book Of 2024

Each year, after reading dozens of leadership books I select my pick for “best new leadership book” of the year. For 2024, that book is, Be The Unicorn: Data-driven Habits That Separate The Best Leaders From The Rest , by William Vanderbloemen (founder and CEO of Vanderbloemen Search Group). Even though this book came out in late 2023, it is better than any other leadership book I read during 2024, so that is why I choose it. It’s that good. It’s timely, incredibly practical, and immediately usable for any leader wherever they are on their leadership journey. Plus, last month Vanderbloemen released a workbook that is the perfect companion to his book. Through extensive research of more than 30,000 top leaders and proprietary data, Vanderbloemen has identified the twelve habits that the best of the best leaders have in common. These superstar leaders are the unicorns – highly desirable but that are difficult to find or obtain . The 12 habits, essential qualities, and leadersh

10 Quotes From The 5 Levels Of Leadership -- John C. Maxwell

Soon I'll post my full review of John C. Maxwell's latest book, The 5 Levels of Leadership . In the meantime, here are some of my favorites quotes from the book that I believe should become a must-read book by any workplace/organizational leader: Good leadership isn't about advancing yourself. It's about advancing your team. Leaders become great, not because of their power, but because of their ability to empower others. Leadership is action, not position. When people feel liked, cared for, included, valued, and trusted, they begin to work together with their leader and each other. If you have integrity with people, you develop trust. The more trust you develop, the stronger the relationship becomes. In times of difficulty, relationships are a shelter. In times of opportunity, they are a launching pad. Good leaders must embrace both care and candor. People buy into the leader, then the vision. Bringing out the best in a person is often a catalyst for

Effective Listening: Do's And Don'ts

Here are some great tips from Michelle Tillis Lederman's book, The 11 Laws of Likability . They are all about: what to do and what not to do to be a leader who's an effective listener : Do : Maintain eye contact Limit your talking Focus on the speaker Ask questions Manage your emotions Listen with your eyes and ears Listen for ideas and opportunities Remain open to the conversation Confirm understanding, paraphrase Give nonverbal messages that you are listening (nod, smile) Ignore distractions Don't : Interrupt Show signs of impatience Judge or argue mentally Multitask during a conversation Project your ideas Think about what to say next Have expectations or preconceived ideas Become defensive or assume you are being attacked Use condescending, aggressive, or closed body language Listen with biases or closed to new ideas Jump to conclusions or finish someone's sentences

How To Build Lasting Customer Relationships Using The Triple Fit Strategy

“It’s time for companies to rethink their growth logic and strategy,” according to Christoph Senn and Mehak Gandhi , authors of the new book, Triple Fit Strategy: How To Build Lasting Customer Relationships And Boost Growth . The authors affirm that there would be much more value if companies no longer operated in a transactional buyer-seller relationship, but instead as a singular team. A team where buyer and seller can collaborate on decisions around planning, execution, and resources like they were one company. “Today’s business customers don’t just buy products and services; they buy expectations,” explain Senn and Gandhi. “What the customers want is the commitment of and access to the supplier’s total operation. They want problem-solving and creative thinking to keep their business ahead of competition. They want partners.” In the book, Senn and Gandhi forge an entirely new path for business that embraces a 360-degree customer-centric approach, and they lay out the Tr

How To Use The CPR Business Efficiency Framework To Eliminate A Team's Pain Points

In Nick Sonnenberg’s book, Come Up For Air , you’ll learn about his CPR Business Efficiency Framework , which stands for: C ommunication P lanning R esources This framework focuses on eliminating the pain points most teams experience by optimizing these three operation areas foundational to every organization. “In my book, I show you the tools that will boost efficiency in all three of these domains and I provide you with a detailed blueprint for the most effective ways to use them,” explains Sonnenberg. He further shares that some sections of the book may be more applicable to managers, and some may be more applicable to individual contributors. “However, it is still integral that both roles understand all of the concepts within the CPR Framework as each one benefits the team as a whole,” says Sonnenberg. As you read the book, you’ll learn what Sonnenberg has learned through years of building a leading efficiency consulting business – that the primary reason why so many teams

How To Create And Live A Powerful Personal Brand

In her new book, Selling Yourself , Dr. Cindy McGovern shows you how to step-by-step create a powerful personal brand. Using her five-step strategy, you’ll learn how to build an impressive, authentic brand, live your brand and sell your brand. “Whether your brand has created itself, you’ve outgrown your original brand, you’re ready for the next level, or you’ve changed your passion or purpose, this book is for you,” shares McGovern. You’ll learn how to showcase your brand to expand your opportunities, establish trust, build deeper connections, have more confidence to ask for what you want, leave lasting impressions, and finally to express gratitude. One of my favorite parts of the book is where McGovern includes this quote from Mahatma Gandhi : Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny. Dr. Cindy McGovern

The Seven Dimensions Of Career Development

Seventy percent of U.S. employees report being at least somewhat likely to leave their current employer for another with a reputation for investing in employee learning and development, according to a Harris Polls study and as called out in the new book, Promotions Are So Yesterday: Redefine Career Development. Help Employees Thrive , by Julie Winkle Giulioni . “Career development, growth, and learning are among the top reasons employees accept, remain in, and/or leave a role,” states Winkle Gioulioni. And, “if you take nothing else from my book, I hope it’s this: The time-honored tradition of defining career development in terms of promotions, moves, or title changes is dead,” adds Winkle Giulioni. Therefore, she recommends leaders consider that there are seven other dimensions that can be developed through one’s career . “And when employees take off their blinders and become aware of the other viable and valuable ways they can grow, my research suggests that the promotion clim

6 Ways To Seek Feedback To Improve Your Performance In The Workplace

Getting feedback is an important way to improve performance at work. But sometimes, it can be hard to seek out, and even harder to hear. “Feedback is all around you. Your job is to find it, both through asking directly and observing it,” says David L. Van Rooy, author of the new book, Trajectory: 7 Career Strategies to Take You From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be . As today's guest post, Van Rooy offers these six tips for how to get the feedback you need to improve performance at work . Guest Post By David L. Van Rooy 1. Don’t forget to as k : One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming things are going perfectly (until they make a catastrophic mistake). By not asking, you’re missing out on opportunities for deep feedback: the difficult, critical feedback that gives you constructive ways to improve. 2. Make sure you listen : Remember, getting feedback is about improving your performance, not turning it into a “you versus the

How To Play Bigger And Be A Category King In Business

"The most exciting companies create. They give us new ways of living, thinking, or doing business, many times solving a problem we didn't know we had -- or a problem we didn't pay attention to because we never thought there was another way," explain the four authors of the dynamic new book, Play Bigger . They add that, "the most exciting companies sell us different. They introduce the world to a new category of product or service." And, they become category kings . Examples of category kings are Amazon, Salesforce, Uber and IKEA. Play Bigger is all about the strategy that builds category kings. And, to be a category king you need to be good at category design : Category design is the discipline of creating and developing a new market category, and conditioning the market so it will demand your solution and crown your company as its king. Category design is the opposite of "build it and they will come." Key traits of category design

How To Create A High Performing Team

According to Ron Ricci and Carl Wiese , authors of the book, The Collaboration Imperative , high-performing teams have the following characteristics : People have solid and deep trust in each other and in the team's purpose--they feel free to express feelings and ideas. Everybody is working toward the same goals. Team members are clear on how to work together and how to accomplish tasks. Everyone understands both team and individual performance goals and knows what is expected. Team members actively diffuse tension and friction in a relaxed and informal atmosphere. The team engages in extensive discussion, and everyone gets a chance to contribute--even the introverts. Disagreement is viewed as a good thing and conflicts are managed. Criticism is constructive and is oriented toward problem solving and removing obstacles. The team makes decisions when there is natural agreement--in the cases where agreement is elusive, a decision is made by the team lead or executive sponsor,

Eric Jacobson On Management And Leadership

Search This Blog