How To Be A Compassionate Leader

“Being human and doing what needs to be done are not mutually exclusive. In truth, doing hard things and making difficult decisions is often the most compassionate thing to do,” explain the authors of the timely and compelling new book, Compassionate Leadership: How to Do Hard Things in a Human Way.

Whether you are a seasoned leader or new in your leadership role, add this book to your list of must-read books to finish before the end of this year.

Authors Rasmus Hougaard and Jacqueline Carter, explain that:

Compassion is the intention to be of benefit to others. Compassion is not about pleasing others and giving them what they want. For example, compassion can be tough and direct, such as addressing another person’s behavior if it is out of line. But it is done with the intention that helping them change will ultimately lead to better outcomes for everyone.

Also, Hougaard and Carter share that empathy and compassion are different from each other. “The two terms differ in that empathy is an emotion, and compassion is an intention. Empathy is when we see someone suffer, take on the suffering they experience, and suffer together with them. But compassion is different. Compassion is to take a step away from empathy and ask ourselves what we can do to support the person who is suffering. In this way, compassion is an intention.

Specifically for this new book, the authors interviewed 350 executives and in addition to the qualitative interviews, they collected quantitative data from 15,000 leaders and 150,000 employees from more than 5,000 companies in nearly 100 countries.

Their extensive research shows that there are four skill sets needed for a leader to operate with wise compassion when doing hard things. The four components of the Wise Compassion Flywheel are:

Caring presence – “Be here now”
Caring courage – “Courage over comfort”
Caring candor – “Direct is faster”
Caring transparency – “Clarity is kindness”

Within the book, you will discover:

How to unlearn management and relearn being human.
Why busyness kills your heart.
How to connect with empathy and lead with compassion.

Wondering how to unlearn management and relearn being human? The authors recommend you:

Remember the Golden Rule
Put yourself in their shoes.
Listen intensively.
Always give more than you take.
Ask yourself, How can I be of benefit?
Stretch people to help them see their greater potential.
Help people to see what they really need to be happy.

“Becoming a wise and compassionate leader is a challenging but deeply rewarding process,” explain the authors. “It is an an experience of personal and professional transformation. And, it is a lifelong journey.”

Rasmus Hougaard

Jacqueline Carter

Question to the Authors: How might a person brand new in their leadership position use the book differently from a leader who has been in his/her role for some time?

Hougaard and Carter: Someone brand new in their leadership role has a fantastic opportunity to use this book as a guide to set them on a path of becoming a wise and compassionate leader. This is quite different from someone with more experience who may need to unlearn old habits and ways of working to relearn being more human. Our wish is someone just starting in their leadership journey is inspired by key concepts in the book like “connect with empathy but lead with compassion” and “avoid the busyness trap.” We recommend that they take time reading each chapter and developing a vision for what kind of leader they want to be.

In addition, our Wise Compassion flywheel provides a framework for leaders at any stage in their career to go through a cycle of continuous learning and development. This enables a new leader to start with the essentials and move through the cycle to do “hard things” in a more “human way” and learn from their experience.

We have tried to make these steps and strategies relevant for someone new in their role as well as someone with more experience. At the same, a new leader would benefit from seeking input from a mentor or a coach before engaging in a “hard thing.” A new leader would also be wise to be humble about their success and be sure to get feedback from others to support their ongoing learning.

Finally, some of my favorite takeaways for leaders from the book include:

Clarity, kindness, and transparency enable trust. Trust enables people to work together and work through hardships. If people know you care about them and have their backs, it will be a lot easier for them to hear a difficult message. If they know you will tell them things they need to hear and not hold back, they will have more confidence in you and in your leadership.

As leaders, when we demonstrate courage and reward others for courageous acts, we create a culture that values courageous confrontations and accountability. When you create this type of environment, people can be more creative, and you create more space for greater accountability and higher performance.

Wise compassionate leadership is to have respectful and caring confrontations with others. We can only master this when we are caring and respectful of ourselves, and when we have self-compassion and self-confidence. This means knowing what you stand for and what is important to you and learning to manage your own inner limitations.

Thank you to the book’s publisher for sending me an advance copy of the book.

Comments

More Leadership Quotes From John C. Maxwell

The real gems in John C. Maxwell's book, Everyone Communicates Few Connect , book are the abundant leadership and communication quotes, such as these: To add value to others, one must first value others. People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude. All good communicators get to the point before their listeners start asking, "What's the point?" The first time you say something, it's heard. The second time, it's recognized, and the third time it's learned. In the end, people are persuaded not by what we say, but by what they understand. People pay attention when something that is said connects with something they greatly desire. Maxwell also says that: Management is about persuading people to do things they do not want to do, while leadership is about inspiring people to do things they never thought they could . The book covers five principles and five practices to help readers so they can connect one-on-one, in a group, or...

High-Performing Teams Are Made Of This

According to Ron Ricci and Carl Wiese, authors of the book, The Collaboration Imperative , high-performing teams have the following characteristics: People have solid and deep trust in each other and in the team's purpose--they feel free to express feelings and ideas. Everybody is working toward the same goals. Team members are clear on how to work together and how to accomplish tasks. Everyone understands both team and individual performance goals and knows what is expected. Team members actively diffuse tension and friction in a relaxed and informal atmosphere. The team engages in extensive discussion, and everyone gets a chance to contribute--even the introverts. Disagreement is viewed as a good thing and conflicts are managed. Criticism is constructive and is oriented toward problem solving and removing obstacles. The team makes decisions when there is natural agreement--in the cases where agreement is elusive, a decision is made by the team lead or executiv...

Decide

Many years ago, I worked with a person who could not make decisions. Neither big nor small decisions. That indecisiveness paralyzed our business in many ways. Unfortunately, the book, Decide: Work Smarter, Reduce Your Stress, and Lead by Example , had not been published. Had it, I would have shared it with my co-worker. Decide , published this past February, teaches readers how to make better decisions based on the real results they want to experience. The author, Steve McClatchy, explains how to use the two forms of human motivation -- Gain, or Prevent Pain , to make more effective decisions. For example, he demonstrates how inserting a Gain task in the middle of a Prevent Pain day can give you the energy you need to move forward and make the Prevent Pain tasks take less time through motivation. Deeper into the book, you'll be reminded about not only the problems with procrastination, but also about the benefits of procrastination, and, if you are ...

5 Compelling Benefits Of Having An Ethical Culture

In Andrew Leigh's book, Ethical Leadership , he provides these compelling and important benefits of having an ethical culture in your business/organization: Customers prefer dealing with companies who put ethics at the center of their culture. Most employees would prefer to earn less working for an ethical company than being paid more and working for an unethical company. More than one in three people at work say they've left a job because they've disagreed with the company's ethical standards ( Trevino, L and Nelson, K - 2011 ) If you adopt an early warning system against misconduct it reduces the risk of you facing expensive litigation. An ethical culture helps you make your company a strong affirming place to work in. "The foundations of an ethical culture include values, attitudes, meaning, behaviors, purpose, and management practices," explains Leigh.

Questions You'll Likely Be Asked At Your Next Job Interview

Many Human Resource (HR) managers have moved away from questions like "What's your weakness?" and prefer behavior-based questions , which ask you to: describe how you handled specific situations at your former jobs If you are about to interview for your next leadership position, be prepared for questions like these (from an article in Reader's Digest ): Tell me about a time when your integrity was challenged . What was the situation, and what did you do? Tell me about a time you had to work with someone you did not personally like . If you could come to work with only three tools to get your job done, what would they be ? What personal and professional development have you been engaged in outside the workplace over the past year? Describe your Outlook calendar on a typical day

Seven Ways To Be A Collaborative Leader

Edward M. Marshall 's book, Transforming The Way We Work -- The Power Of The Collaborative Workplace , remains relevant today, more than a decade after Marshall wrote it. Particularly useful is the book's section that teaches readers how to be a collaborative leader. Marshall says that there are seven different, important roles and responsibilities of collaborative leaders when leading teams , and those leaders should select the appropriate style to meet the team's needs. The seven roles are : The leader as sponsor -- You provide strategic direction, boundaries and coaching for the team. You also monitor progress and ensure integrity in the team's operating processes. The leader as facilitator -- You ensure that meetings, team dynamics, and interpersonal relationships function effectively. You also ensure internal coordination of activities among team members. The leader as coach -- You provide support and guidance and you serve as a sounding board. The lea...

Coherence: The Secret Science Of Brilliant Leadership

Coherence: The Secret Science of Brilliant Leadership is the new book by author Dr. Alan Watkins . Trained as a medical doctor, Watkins is now an honorary senior lecturer in neuroscience and psychological medicine at Imperial College, London and an affiliate professor of leadership at the European School of Management, London. According to Watkins, coherence is the biological state achieved when elite performers experience maximum efficiency and super effectiveness, where body and mind are one . Coherence provides one of the most unique approaches to showing leaders how to be younger, smarter, healthier and happier -- which gives them the power to make decisions under pressure and achieve sustainable success. Prepare to spend quality time reading Coherence . It's not light reading. Kind of feels like a medical text book in parts. But, it's worth your commitment to it. I particularly found useful Watkin's discussion on culture , where he w...

Make It Easy For Your Employees To Volunteer

Start planning now for this year's National Volunteer Week, April 15-21 . That's the week when nonprofit organizations throughout the U.S. will celebrate and honor their volunteers. If you are not already volunteering, what a great time to start. Make a commitment to yourself to start volunteering before that week starts! And, if you are a workplace leader who supports a volunteer program at your business, you already know that by encouraging employees to give back to your community you are: building teamwork motivating employees attracting new hires In fact, job seekers much prefer companies that have a strong volunteer program. And, a growing number of businesses are rewarding employees who volunteer by giving them extra vacation time and other incentives. Fortunately, throughout the U.S. there are hundreds of volunteer opportunities where employees can contribute individually, or where leaders can organize teams of employees to volunteer together on a routin...

Good Coach Versus Bad Coach

Former Verizon Wireless CEO, Denny F. Strigl offers these tips for how to be a good coach to an employee. He explains that good coaches help performers by : Keeping them focused. Giving them objective, helpful feedback. Acting as a sounding board for new approaches. Identifying blind spots that may be holding the performer back. Reinforcing key values, principles, and behaviors that improve performance. Recognizing positive behavior and performance. Providing encouragement after setbacks and failures Setting "stretch" goals. Acting as an accountability partner. Strigl believes that some managers fail in their coaching roles because they : View coaching as babysitting. See coaching as only correcting performance. Don't spend enough time with their employees. Are reluctant to criticize. Have social relationships with their employees. Have a "sink-or-swim" philosophy. Believe coaching is not helpful or meaningful. "Coaching may...

How Will The Value Of Your Days Be Measured?

I recommend that all leaders every so often read the What Will Matter poem by Michael Josephson . It serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of unselfishly serving and leading with character. I've highlighted in bold and in color my favorite parts of the poem: Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brillian...

Eric Jacobson On Management And Leadership

Search This Blog