How To Be A Compassionate Leader

“Being human and doing what needs to be done are not mutually exclusive. In truth, doing hard things and making difficult decisions is often the most compassionate thing to do,” explain the authors of the timely and compelling new book, Compassionate Leadership: How to Do Hard Things in a Human Way.

Whether you are a seasoned leader or new in your leadership role, add this book to your list of must-read books to finish before the end of this year.

Authors Rasmus Hougaard and Jacqueline Carter, explain that:

Compassion is the intention to be of benefit to others. Compassion is not about pleasing others and giving them what they want. For example, compassion can be tough and direct, such as addressing another person’s behavior if it is out of line. But it is done with the intention that helping them change will ultimately lead to better outcomes for everyone.

Also, Hougaard and Carter share that empathy and compassion are different from each other. “The two terms differ in that empathy is an emotion, and compassion is an intention. Empathy is when we see someone suffer, take on the suffering they experience, and suffer together with them. But compassion is different. Compassion is to take a step away from empathy and ask ourselves what we can do to support the person who is suffering. In this way, compassion is an intention.

Specifically for this new book, the authors interviewed 350 executives and in addition to the qualitative interviews, they collected quantitative data from 15,000 leaders and 150,000 employees from more than 5,000 companies in nearly 100 countries.

Their extensive research shows that there are four skill sets needed for a leader to operate with wise compassion when doing hard things. The four components of the Wise Compassion Flywheel are:

Caring presence – “Be here now”
Caring courage – “Courage over comfort”
Caring candor – “Direct is faster”
Caring transparency – “Clarity is kindness”

Within the book, you will discover:

How to unlearn management and relearn being human.
Why busyness kills your heart.
How to connect with empathy and lead with compassion.

Wondering how to unlearn management and relearn being human? The authors recommend you:

Remember the Golden Rule
Put yourself in their shoes.
Listen intensively.
Always give more than you take.
Ask yourself, How can I be of benefit?
Stretch people to help them see their greater potential.
Help people to see what they really need to be happy.

“Becoming a wise and compassionate leader is a challenging but deeply rewarding process,” explain the authors. “It is an an experience of personal and professional transformation. And, it is a lifelong journey.”

Rasmus Hougaard

Jacqueline Carter

Question to the Authors: How might a person brand new in their leadership position use the book differently from a leader who has been in his/her role for some time?

Hougaard and Carter: Someone brand new in their leadership role has a fantastic opportunity to use this book as a guide to set them on a path of becoming a wise and compassionate leader. This is quite different from someone with more experience who may need to unlearn old habits and ways of working to relearn being more human. Our wish is someone just starting in their leadership journey is inspired by key concepts in the book like “connect with empathy but lead with compassion” and “avoid the busyness trap.” We recommend that they take time reading each chapter and developing a vision for what kind of leader they want to be.

In addition, our Wise Compassion flywheel provides a framework for leaders at any stage in their career to go through a cycle of continuous learning and development. This enables a new leader to start with the essentials and move through the cycle to do “hard things” in a more “human way” and learn from their experience.

We have tried to make these steps and strategies relevant for someone new in their role as well as someone with more experience. At the same, a new leader would benefit from seeking input from a mentor or a coach before engaging in a “hard thing.” A new leader would also be wise to be humble about their success and be sure to get feedback from others to support their ongoing learning.

Finally, some of my favorite takeaways for leaders from the book include:

Clarity, kindness, and transparency enable trust. Trust enables people to work together and work through hardships. If people know you care about them and have their backs, it will be a lot easier for them to hear a difficult message. If they know you will tell them things they need to hear and not hold back, they will have more confidence in you and in your leadership.

As leaders, when we demonstrate courage and reward others for courageous acts, we create a culture that values courageous confrontations and accountability. When you create this type of environment, people can be more creative, and you create more space for greater accountability and higher performance.

Wise compassionate leadership is to have respectful and caring confrontations with others. We can only master this when we are caring and respectful of ourselves, and when we have self-compassion and self-confidence. This means knowing what you stand for and what is important to you and learning to manage your own inner limitations.

Thank you to the book’s publisher for sending me an advance copy of the book.

Comments

How To Be More Impactful Through Entrepreneurial Giving

This Thanksgiving as you think about what you are grateful for, think, too, about how you can be more giving. To help you discover a more giving you, read the new book, A Talent For Giving , by John Studzinski . It introduces the meaning of entrepreneurial giving - a hands-on approach to philanthropy that harnesses skills, expertise, and resources. Through thought-provoking insights, A Talent for Giving offers a powerful new roadmap for impact as Studzinski shows how anyone, regardless of financial means, can become a force for change. You do that by maximizing your Talent , Time , and Treasure and by embracing these values alongside others like Trust , Technology , and Trial , according to Studzinski. “Giving is any act of kindness or generosity that recognizes and respects the dignity of another human being,” shares Studzinski. “It can be something very simple – a smile, or a hug or a few words. And on a larger scale, it’s giving your time,...

70 New Year's Resolutions For Leaders

With 2026 fast approaching, it's a good time to identify your New Year's Resolutions for next year. To get you started, how about selecting one or more of the following 70 New Year's resolutions for leaders? Perhaps write down five to ten and then between now and January 1, think about which couple you want to work on during 2026. Don't micromanage Don't be a bottleneck Focus on outcomes, not minutiae Build trust with your colleagues before a crisis comes Assess your company's strengths and weaknesses at all times Conduct annual risk reviews Be courageous, quick and fair Talk more about values more than rules Reward how a performance is achieved and not only the performance Constantly challenge your team to do better Celebrate your employees' successes, not your own Err on the side of taking action Communicate clearly and often Be visible Eliminate the cause of a mistake View every problem as an opportunity to grow Summarize group consensus after each deci...

Don't Delay Tough Conversations With Your Employees

If you have an employee who needs to improve his/her performance don't delay the tough conversation with them. If you don't address the issue right now, the employee has little chance to improve, and you'll only get more frustrated. Most employees want to do a good job. Sometimes they just don't know they aren't performing up to the required standards. Waiting until the employee's annual performance appraisal to have the tough conversation is unhealthy for you and the employee. So, address the issue now. Sit down with your employee in a private setting. Look them in the eye. First, tell them what they do well. Thank them for that good work. Then, tell them where they need to improve. Be clear. Be precise. Ask them if they understand and ask them if they need any help from you on how to do a better job. Explain to them that your taking the time to have the tough conversation means you care about them. You want them to do better. You believe they can do better. ...

Effective Listening: Do's And Don'ts

Here are some great tips from Michelle Tillis Lederman's book, The 11 Laws of Likability . They are all about: what to do and what not to do to be a leader who's an effective listener : Do : Maintain eye contact Limit your talking Focus on the speaker Ask questions Manage your emotions Listen with your eyes and ears Listen for ideas and opportunities Remain open to the conversation Confirm understanding, paraphrase Give nonverbal messages that you are listening (nod, smile) Ignore distractions Don't : Interrupt Show signs of impatience Judge or argue mentally Multitask during a conversation Project your ideas Think about what to say next Have expectations or preconceived ideas Become defensive or assume you are being attacked Use condescending, aggressive, or closed body language Listen with biases or closed to new ideas Jump to conclusions or finish someone's sentences

Honor Martin Luther King Jr. Day On January 19 By Volunteering

As the nation honors Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on Monday, January 19, volunteer or make the decision to volunteer in your community. King routinely asked “ What are you doing for others ,” and January 19th is the ideal day to ask yourself that question. The federal holiday was first observed in 1994 when Congress designated it as a National Day of Service, inspired by King’s words, “everybody can be great because anybody can serve.” You can turn to Idealist (.org)* and similar types of websites to find volunteer opportunities right in your neighborhood or nearby surrounding area. Visit the web site, type in your zip code/city, and you will be presented with a variety of organizations seeking volunteers. And, if you are a leader in the workplace, encourage your team members to volunteer in the community as individuals. Or organize team volunteer afternoons or evenings for your employees. *VolunteerMatch merged with Idealist in January 2025.

Quantum Marketing

“Marketing today is at the brink of unprecedented disruption”, explains, Raja Rajamannar , author of the book, Quantum Marketing . “An explosion of game-changing new technologies, data and cultural shifts will render traditional marketing frameworks and strategies ineffective, and turn the function upside down.” Rajamannar’s book is all about the mastering the new marketing mindset for tomorrow’s consumers. He takes you beyond product marketing, emotional marketing, digital marketing and mobile and social marketing, into what he terms quantum marketing . You’ll learn how to : Replace advertising with better ways to efficiently engage consumers at scale. Hyper-personalize marketing with AI. Go virtual and immersive with everything from VR-AR product demos to gamification. Reach all five human senses, with Multi-Sensory Marketing and Sonic Branding. Invest in partnerships to capitalize on new opportunities beyond their immediate reach. Quantify impact with da...

29 People Who Taught Us Life Lessons In Courage, Integrity And Leadership

The 29 profiles you will read in Robert L. Dilenschneider’s new book, Character , are about people who are exceptional exemplars of character. They’re inspirational because they used their abilities at their highest levels to work for causes they believed in. Because of character, they influenced the world for good. The dictionary defines “character” as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual, the distinctive nature of something, the quality of being individual in an interesting or unusual way, strength and originality in a person’s nature, and a person’s good reputation. “But beyond these definitions, we know that character is manifested in leadership, innovation, resilience, change, courage, loyalty, breaking barriers, and more,” explains Robert (Bob), “Character drives the best traits in our society, such as honesty, integrity, leadership, and transparency, and it drives others to exhibit those qualities.” Profiled in the book ar...

10 Quotes From The 5 Levels Of Leadership -- John C. Maxwell

Soon I'll post my full review of John C. Maxwell's latest book, The 5 Levels of Leadership . In the meantime, here are some of my favorites quotes from the book that I believe should become a must-read book by any workplace/organizational leader: Good leadership isn't about advancing yourself. It's about advancing your team. Leaders become great, not because of their power, but because of their ability to empower others. Leadership is action, not position. When people feel liked, cared for, included, valued, and trusted, they begin to work together with their leader and each other. If you have integrity with people, you develop trust. The more trust you develop, the stronger the relationship becomes. In times of difficulty, relationships are a shelter. In times of opportunity, they are a launching pad. Good leaders must embrace both care and candor. People buy into the leader, then the vision. Bringing out the best in a person is often a catal...

How to Be a Leader – 9 Principles from Dale Carnegie

Today, I welcome thought-leader Nathan Magnuson as guest blogger... Nathan writes : This is it, your first day in a formal leadership role. You’ve worked hard as an individual contributor at one or possibly several organizations. Now management has finally seen fit to promote you into a position as one of their own: a supervisor. You don’t care if your new team is only one person or ten, you’re just excited that now – finally – you will be in charge! Unfortunately the euphoria is short-lived. Almost immediately, you are not only overwhelmed with the responsibilities of a team, but you quickly find that your team members are not as experienced or adroit as you. Some aren’t even as committed. You find yourself having to repeat yourself, send their work back for corrections, and staying late to fill the gap. If something doesn’t change soon, you might just run yourself into the ground. How did something that looked so easy ...

How To Uncover Your Blindspots To Become A More Effective Leader

What you don't see about yourself can hold you back as a leader. That's typical for many leaders. What we don't see is what we can't see: we have blindspots . Your blindspots prevent you from achieving your greatest success. “It turns out that we're often not great judges of ourselves, even when we think we are. Sometimes we're simply unaware of a behavior or trait that's causing problems,” explains Martin Dubin , author of the book, Blindspotting: How To See What’s Holding You Back As A Leader . “Bottom line: until we uncover these blindspots, we can't move forward. The good news is that you can learn to do your own blindspotting .” “Most of us understand the idea of blindspots in a general sense—areas we can’t see, to take the term most literally, or places we have gaps that we may not even realize, to be a little more abstract,” says Dubin. “But in the context of this book, I’m defining blindspots quite specifically: They are the...

Eric Jacobson On Management And Leadership

Search This Blog