How To Be A Compassionate Leader

“Being human and doing what needs to be done are not mutually exclusive. In truth, doing hard things and making difficult decisions is often the most compassionate thing to do,” explain the authors of the timely and compelling new book, Compassionate Leadership: How to Do Hard Things in a Human Way.

Whether you are a seasoned leader or new in your leadership role, add this book to your list of must-read books during 2022.

Authors Rasmus Hougaard and Jacqueline Carter, explain that:

Compassion is the intention to be of benefit to others. Compassion is not about pleasing others and giving them what they want. For example, compassion can be tough and direct, such as addressing another person’s behavior if it is out of line. But it is done with the intention that helping them change will ultimately lead to better outcomes for everyone.

Also, Hougaard and Carter share that empathy and compassion are different from each other. “The two terms differ in that empathy is an emotion, and compassion is an intention. Empathy is when we see someone suffer, take on the suffering they experience, and suffer together with them. But compassion is different. Compassion is to take a step away from empathy and ask ourselves what we can do to support the person who is suffering. In this way, compassion is an intention.

Specifically for this new book, the authors interviewed 350 executives and in addition to the qualitative interviews, they collected quantitative data from 15,000 leaders and 150,000 employees from more than 5,000 companies in nearly 100 countries.

Their extensive research shows that there are four skill sets needed for a leader to operate with wise compassion when doing hard things. The four components of the Wise Compassion Flywheel are:

Caring presence – “Be here now”
Caring courage – “Courage over comfort”
Caring candor – “Direct is faster”
Caring transparency – “Clarity is kindness”

Within the book, you will discover:

How to unlearn management and relearn being human.
Why busyness kills your heart.
How to connect with empathy and lead with compassion.

Wondering how to unlearn management and relearn being human? The authors recommend you:

Remember the Golden Rule
Put yourself in their shoes.
Listen intensively.
Always give more than you take.
Ask yourself, How can I be of benefit?
Stretch people to help them see their greater potential.
Help people to see what they really need to be happy.

“Becoming a wise and compassionate leader is a challenging but deeply rewarding process,” explain the authors. “It is an an experience of personal and professional transformation. And, it is a lifelong journey.”

Rasmus Hougaard

Jacqueline Carter

Question to the Authors: How might a person brand new in their leadership position use the book differently from a leader who has been in his/her role for some time?

Hougaard and Carter: Someone brand new in their leadership role has a fantastic opportunity to use this book as a guide to set them on a path of becoming a wise and compassionate leader. This is quite different from someone with more experience who may need to unlearn old habits and ways of working to relearn being more human. Our wish is someone just starting in their leadership journey is inspired by key concepts in the book like “connect with empathy but lead with compassion” and “avoid the busyness trap.” We recommend that they take time reading each chapter and developing a vision for what kind of leader they want to be.

In addition, our Wise Compassion flywheel provides a framework for leaders at any stage in their career to go through a cycle of continuous learning and development. This enables a new leader to start with the essentials and move through the cycle to do “hard things” in a more “human way” and learn from their experience.

We have tried to make these steps and strategies relevant for someone new in their role as well as someone with more experience. At the same, a new leader would benefit from seeking input from a mentor or a coach before engaging in a “hard thing.” A new leader would also be wise to be humble about their success and be sure to get feedback from others to support their ongoing learning.

Finally, some of my favorite takeaways for leaders from the book include:

Clarity, kindness, and transparency enable trust. Trust enables people to work together and work through hardships. If people know you care about them and have their backs, it will be a lot easier for them to hear a difficult message. If they know you will tell them things they need to hear and not hold back, they will have more confidence in you and in your leadership.

As leaders, when we demonstrate courage and reward others for courageous acts, we create a culture that values courageous confrontations and accountability. When you create this type of environment, people can be more creative, and you create more space for greater accountability and higher performance.

Wise compassionate leadership is to have respectful and caring confrontations with others. We can only master this when we are caring and respectful of ourselves, and when we have self-compassion and self-confidence. This means knowing what you stand for and what is important to you and learning to manage your own inner limitations.

Thank you to the book’s publisher for sending me an advance copy of the book.

Comments

Best New Leadership Book Of 2024

Each year, after reading dozens of leadership books I select my pick for “best new leadership book” of the year. For 2024, that book is, Be The Unicorn: Data-driven Habits That Separate The Best Leaders From The Rest , by William Vanderbloemen (founder and CEO of Vanderbloemen Search Group). Even though this book came out in late 2023, it is better than any other leadership book I read during 2024, so that is why I choose it. It’s that good. It’s timely, incredibly practical, and immediately usable for any leader wherever they are on their leadership journey. Plus, last month Vanderbloemen released a workbook that is the perfect companion to his book. Through extensive research of more than 30,000 top leaders and proprietary data, Vanderbloemen has identified the twelve habits that the best of the best leaders have in common. These superstar leaders are the unicorns – highly desirable but that are difficult to find or obtain . The 12 habits, essential qualities, and leadersh

10 Quotes From The 5 Levels Of Leadership -- John C. Maxwell

Soon I'll post my full review of John C. Maxwell's latest book, The 5 Levels of Leadership . In the meantime, here are some of my favorites quotes from the book that I believe should become a must-read book by any workplace/organizational leader: Good leadership isn't about advancing yourself. It's about advancing your team. Leaders become great, not because of their power, but because of their ability to empower others. Leadership is action, not position. When people feel liked, cared for, included, valued, and trusted, they begin to work together with their leader and each other. If you have integrity with people, you develop trust. The more trust you develop, the stronger the relationship becomes. In times of difficulty, relationships are a shelter. In times of opportunity, they are a launching pad. Good leaders must embrace both care and candor. People buy into the leader, then the vision. Bringing out the best in a person is often a catalyst for

Effective Listening: Do's And Don'ts

Here are some great tips from Michelle Tillis Lederman's book, The 11 Laws of Likability . They are all about: what to do and what not to do to be a leader who's an effective listener : Do : Maintain eye contact Limit your talking Focus on the speaker Ask questions Manage your emotions Listen with your eyes and ears Listen for ideas and opportunities Remain open to the conversation Confirm understanding, paraphrase Give nonverbal messages that you are listening (nod, smile) Ignore distractions Don't : Interrupt Show signs of impatience Judge or argue mentally Multitask during a conversation Project your ideas Think about what to say next Have expectations or preconceived ideas Become defensive or assume you are being attacked Use condescending, aggressive, or closed body language Listen with biases or closed to new ideas Jump to conclusions or finish someone's sentences

How To Build Lasting Customer Relationships Using The Triple Fit Strategy

“It’s time for companies to rethink their growth logic and strategy,” according to Christoph Senn and Mehak Gandhi , authors of the new book, Triple Fit Strategy: How To Build Lasting Customer Relationships And Boost Growth . The authors affirm that there would be much more value if companies no longer operated in a transactional buyer-seller relationship, but instead as a singular team. A team where buyer and seller can collaborate on decisions around planning, execution, and resources like they were one company. “Today’s business customers don’t just buy products and services; they buy expectations,” explain Senn and Gandhi. “What the customers want is the commitment of and access to the supplier’s total operation. They want problem-solving and creative thinking to keep their business ahead of competition. They want partners.” In the book, Senn and Gandhi forge an entirely new path for business that embraces a 360-degree customer-centric approach, and they lay out the Tr

How To Use The CPR Business Efficiency Framework To Eliminate A Team's Pain Points

In Nick Sonnenberg’s book, Come Up For Air , you’ll learn about his CPR Business Efficiency Framework , which stands for: C ommunication P lanning R esources This framework focuses on eliminating the pain points most teams experience by optimizing these three operation areas foundational to every organization. “In my book, I show you the tools that will boost efficiency in all three of these domains and I provide you with a detailed blueprint for the most effective ways to use them,” explains Sonnenberg. He further shares that some sections of the book may be more applicable to managers, and some may be more applicable to individual contributors. “However, it is still integral that both roles understand all of the concepts within the CPR Framework as each one benefits the team as a whole,” says Sonnenberg. As you read the book, you’ll learn what Sonnenberg has learned through years of building a leading efficiency consulting business – that the primary reason why so many teams

The Seven Dimensions Of Career Development

Seventy percent of U.S. employees report being at least somewhat likely to leave their current employer for another with a reputation for investing in employee learning and development, according to a Harris Polls study and as called out in the new book, Promotions Are So Yesterday: Redefine Career Development. Help Employees Thrive , by Julie Winkle Giulioni . “Career development, growth, and learning are among the top reasons employees accept, remain in, and/or leave a role,” states Winkle Gioulioni. And, “if you take nothing else from my book, I hope it’s this: The time-honored tradition of defining career development in terms of promotions, moves, or title changes is dead,” adds Winkle Giulioni. Therefore, she recommends leaders consider that there are seven other dimensions that can be developed through one’s career . “And when employees take off their blinders and become aware of the other viable and valuable ways they can grow, my research suggests that the promotion clim

How To Play Bigger And Be A Category King In Business

"The most exciting companies create. They give us new ways of living, thinking, or doing business, many times solving a problem we didn't know we had -- or a problem we didn't pay attention to because we never thought there was another way," explain the four authors of the dynamic new book, Play Bigger . They add that, "the most exciting companies sell us different. They introduce the world to a new category of product or service." And, they become category kings . Examples of category kings are Amazon, Salesforce, Uber and IKEA. Play Bigger is all about the strategy that builds category kings. And, to be a category king you need to be good at category design : Category design is the discipline of creating and developing a new market category, and conditioning the market so it will demand your solution and crown your company as its king. Category design is the opposite of "build it and they will come." Key traits of category design

How To Create A High Performing Team

According to Ron Ricci and Carl Wiese , authors of the book, The Collaboration Imperative , high-performing teams have the following characteristics : People have solid and deep trust in each other and in the team's purpose--they feel free to express feelings and ideas. Everybody is working toward the same goals. Team members are clear on how to work together and how to accomplish tasks. Everyone understands both team and individual performance goals and knows what is expected. Team members actively diffuse tension and friction in a relaxed and informal atmosphere. The team engages in extensive discussion, and everyone gets a chance to contribute--even the introverts. Disagreement is viewed as a good thing and conflicts are managed. Criticism is constructive and is oriented toward problem solving and removing obstacles. The team makes decisions when there is natural agreement--in the cases where agreement is elusive, a decision is made by the team lead or executive sponsor,

6 Ways To Seek Feedback To Improve Your Performance In The Workplace

Getting feedback is an important way to improve performance at work. But sometimes, it can be hard to seek out, and even harder to hear. “Feedback is all around you. Your job is to find it, both through asking directly and observing it,” says David L. Van Rooy, author of the new book, Trajectory: 7 Career Strategies to Take You From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be . As today's guest post, Van Rooy offers these six tips for how to get the feedback you need to improve performance at work . Guest Post By David L. Van Rooy 1. Don’t forget to as k : One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming things are going perfectly (until they make a catastrophic mistake). By not asking, you’re missing out on opportunities for deep feedback: the difficult, critical feedback that gives you constructive ways to improve. 2. Make sure you listen : Remember, getting feedback is about improving your performance, not turning it into a “you versus the

How CEOs Learn To Lead From The Inside Out As Part Of Their Leadership Journey

The new book, The Journey of Leadership , brings the experience of one of the world’s most influential consulting firms ( McKinsey & Compan y ) right to your fingertips. “We offer in this book a step-by-step approach for leaders to reinvent themselves both professionally and personally,” explain co-authors Dana Maor , Hans-Werner Kaas , Kurt Strovink and Ramesh Srinivasan . This book includes revealing lessons from McKinsey & Company’s legendary CEO leadership program, The Bower Forum , which has counseled more than five hundred global CEOs over the past decade. The authors assert that if you are a traditional left-brained leader who’s great at numbers, planning and scheduling, your job might be threatened in the future. “Going forward, the differentiating factor will be human leadership that gives people a sense of purpose and inspires them, and that cares about who they are and what they’re thinking and feeling.” As you read the book, you’ll discove

Eric Jacobson On Management And Leadership

Search This Blog